We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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