Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
