this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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