mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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