you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I can't put those talents on a resume
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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