I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
