i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
