I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
