Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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