Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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