The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
