why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize