you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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