Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
