I look better un-naked...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
How does one acquire holy water?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
