We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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