It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
