i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the room spins SO much faster in panama
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I AM VODKA MAN
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
