What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
