Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
