you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You made out with two different species that night
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
