She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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