Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
