I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
