toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
