there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
