smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
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