For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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