Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
