totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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