The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
