On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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