The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
