Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
