Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
