her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
