Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
