I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
