just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
