I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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