I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
