My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
