Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
