Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work

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(931): View more from Tennessee

I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house

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(631): View more from New York

do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?

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(914): View more from New York

Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?

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(503): View more from Oregon

Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.

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(607): View more from New York

Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box

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(219): View more from Indiana

btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...

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