I haven't been this sober since birth.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
