Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
