I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
