I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I am full of burrito and curiosity
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
