I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
