She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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