just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
