Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
either way he was missing a nipple.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
