I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
