Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
