I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
